1. I just had a short but a pleasant conversation with a group of people not a long time ago. It was quite a junior bunch, just bunch of people just got hired in a job.
2. In a certain way, they reminded of me of how i am when i was newly hired. All full with hope, ambition, and idealistic expectation. They even thought it's a fullfilling dream. It was truly a nice phase to go to. Nice and colorful phase, with no significant problems or whatsover. It was presumed that this must be the joys of entering the working life.
3. They were talking of ideal subjects, to be promoted within a short period of years, welcoming the opportunities given to them, and all the working privileges they going to enjoy. It's all nice ice cream talk with a cherry on top.
4. As I witnessed them, I started thinking, what piece of fucked up reality they're going to face with. I'm just giving them couple of months to face the , fuckup reality. It's really that hopeless.
5. Worse still, the problem of these bunch is that they thought they are so big. Some of them were arrogant. Because of the position they have, (and it's not a big deal anyway) they must be fed with a silver spoon in their mouth and tolerate nothing less. It's all bullshit to me.
6. I can be considered lucky because I didn't start like that. In fact, my starting point is so difficult, that my quality of living is worse than I were a student. It's difficult to live in a city that can be so, so cruel. I was treated like a house nigger. Being broke, un-respected, is not something anyone to cope with.
7. Perhaps being treated as a house nigger and not being appreciated, has made me a bit more determined, and preserved than most of them. During that time, I just tell myself, "I'm not going to be treated in this shit anymore. Fucking arrogant gov't servants, you smalltime fuckers are not going to mistreat me anymore." It was more similar like that. Then I started to work real hard, apply more jobs, and at the same time learn some academics while having the free time.
8. Eventually a job offer came to me. It was not exactly what I wanted, but it's much better than before. Then I realized that I really got to make this work. So my first assignment or project was to see this failed project to a success. That's when I started having a bit of ideal thoughts.
9. I have tried to see things in a positive perspective to the extent that I did not see the losses of it. It's so difficult, getting the understanding itself requires years of working experience. Expectations were high, and pressure started to fill up real fast. "I'm going to be fucked up, how am i going to make this fucking thing work ? " . Realizing after 5 months of to capture the understanding, i just came to a conclusion where this assignment is way too ahead and too difficult for me.
10. The lesson i would probably learn is that sometimes it's good to be realistic in an optimistic way. There's a reason something got fucked up. But no matter how fucked up it is, in the end there's something to gain for. So, I applied for another assignment and again, this is a fucked up project. Unfortunately I was so stubbon to accept the fact that this project is again a fucked up project.
11. Nevertheless, it's kind of a fucked project I want to invest my career on. This would definitely pave my way to the future, even though I don't know how. Nobody guided me, I'm all alone and without any motivation or resources. I remained my preserverence and have the blind belief that this will work eventually.
12. Indeed, my gamble paid off. I got offered with a new team, and even though it's a same project, the scenario is much, much better. I was quite fucking glad because it was so much better that it's the best in the country. I never had such a fucking determination, and so much fucking grateful that all the sufferings would eventually paid off in such an elegant way.
13. Truth is, karma does exist. What you have suffered, eventually of what you learn you will benefit and use it in your future opportunities. This is not a fucking motivation talk, but whatever fuck you're doing make sure you get it done to the bone. Nobody should stop you and if there are, tell them to fuck off.
14. Perhaps the only problem is for those who does not know how to appreciate might have repeatedly gone over the same suffering again. Or they did not realize, or worse, they just accept getting fucked is a fucking fate.
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